Chapter Thirty-Five: Because I Am Human

"Yo." Liu Zheng greeted from afar.

The French plane tree glanced at him and shifted its face to the other side.

"Hey, is there any need to be so unwelcoming?" he said, speechless.

"Do you have no self-awareness? You collector-thief!" the plane tree scolded.

"I traded for them," Liu Zheng refused to admit.

"Pah, the value was completely unequal." The plane tree spat a droplet of sap at him.

"Things are valued for their rarity. Who else could bring you a drink every single day like I do?" He smiled. "And who else could be like me—neither lying to you nor being deceived by you?"

"Va-t'en! I don't want to trade with you today," the plane tree said, pouting.

"Really? Fifteen-year-old Ascension Maotai, a whole case of it." Liu Zheng held up the case in his hand.

"Putain! How did you get that?" The plane tree’s eyes widened; even its branches stopped swaying in shock.

"I struck it rich yesterday, brother. Nothing worth mentioning," he said, feigning humility.

The plane tree looked at the case of Maotai, its expression shifting. It certainly wanted the liquor, but it really couldn't afford the price. A case of fifteen-year-old Ascension Maotai was worth at least one and a half bottles of the limited edition Vlad III. Where could it possibly find another legendary delivery courier's vest to trade? Even if it were willing to sell one, the legendary courier wouldn't come back to buy it. The plane tree did have Perfect-grade items, but those were all useful; losing even one would cause its strength to decline. In this world of survival of the fittest, a decline in strength was tantamount to slow suicide.

"I... I can't afford it." After a long struggle, it spoke with difficulty.

"It's not that expensive; they are all seconds." Liu Zheng opened the case and took out a bottle for the plane tree to inspect.

"Huh?" De Gaulle looked at the stain on the bottle, suspicious and surprised. It extended a tree root to snatch the bottle, opened it, and sniffed. "It seems to have the scent of the Chaos Club."

"The Chaos Club?" Liu Zheng frowned slightly. He had heard from Niu Ma that the place was extremely dangerous, and even the City Hall couldn't do anything about it.

"That's right. It is definitely the scent of the Chaos Club," the plane tree affirmed.

"How are you so sure?"

"Because I originally grew right at the entrance of the Chaos Club before I was transplanted to this street," the plane tree replied.

"I see. What kind of place is the Chaos Club, anyway?" Liu Zheng asked curiously.

"Hard to say, can't say, daren't say. Ask me again the day you receive an order from there," the plane tree said, acting mysterious.

"Hey, I'm kind enough to bring you liquor, and you're already planting a death flag for me? That's heartless." The veins on his forehead throbbed.

"I'm not human, anyway. I'll take the liquor; let me see what I have to trade." The plane tree closed its eyes, its roots churning beneath the black soil. Even though they were seconds, a whole case of fifteen-year-old Maotai was still quite valuable. Finding a suitable trade item would take some effort.

"Don't worry about that for a moment. Take a look at this first." Liu Zheng set down his black cloth bag and took out what was inside.

"A corpse of a young human female. That's not worth much; I have no preference for humans," the plane tree said after opening its eyes and glancing at it. What Liu Zheng had pulled out was the packaging box containing the little girl's body.

"I'm not trading it; I want to bury her under your roots," he explained.

"You brat, are you treating me like a cemetery?" The plane tree was furious.

"Is black soil synonymous with a cemetery? Do you realize that's color discrimination?"

"Niu Ma said that if I bury her anywhere else, she'll just be dug up and eaten. I thought about it, and you're the safest bet," Liu Zheng said.

"Then you've wasted your thoughts. Just because I have no preference for humans doesn't mean I don't eat them. If you weren't so slippery, you would have become a side dish for my wine long ago," the plane tree scoffed at his naivety.

"It wouldn't be a waste; I'll pay a management fee." Liu Zheng lifted a bottle of Maotai and shook it.

"One bottle isn't enough. The black soil prevents decay; burying her here is like bait—it will constantly attract scavengers." The plane tree shook its branches. Although it was the street boss, there were always desperate criminals driven mad by hunger. It didn't want to invite trouble.

"Is a whole case enough?"

"That would be enough, but is it really necessary?" the plane tree asked, puzzled. "Dead is dead; what use is flesh and blood?" When trees died, some rotted into nutrients, and others were buried deep to become coal, but eventually, all returned to dust. It had never heard of a tree insisting on turning itself into a specimen.

"Because I am human, and humans are just that selfish," Liu Zheng said calmly.

"You won't be for long. It's not just your exterior; your essence has begun to change," the plane tree mocked.

"What happens after the essence changes?" he asked.

"I don't know. But based on what I know about the spawn of the Black Goat, you'll probably dig her up and chew her to pieces without the slightest hesitation." The plane tree's tone carried deep malice.

"Oh, and how does that concern the me of right now?" Liu Zheng said with an indifferent expression. If his essence changed, then it wouldn't be him anymore. Besides, once he cleared the dungeon, he could purify the "Flesh Aberration" status.

"Hmph, stubborn human. What's her name?" the plane tree asked suddenly.

"You're asking me?"

"Of course I'm asking her, you self-absorbed idiot human." It seemed particularly annoyed with Liu Zheng today.

"I actually don't know. Why do you ask?" Liu Zheng looked at it strangely.

"To make a tombstone, obviously! Are you the human or am I?" The plane tree rolled its eyes at him and peeled a piece of bark from its trunk. "If you don't know, I'll just write 'The idiot corpse that the stupid human asked me to keep.'" As it spoke, it prepared to carve the words into the bark.

"Stop, stop, stop." Liu Zheng quickly intervened. If it carved that, the little girl would never be able to hold her head up even in hell. "Let's just call her Natasha," he said, looking at the little girl's stereotypical East Slavic features.

"How ugly." The plane tree disdainfully carved the name into the bark, then added a string of letters next to it. "Marceau." It said with satisfaction, "French names always sound better."

"Heh." Liu Zheng looked at the tree—which went by the name De Gaulle—and suppressed the urge to retort.

"By the way, do you eat this?" He displayed the garlic-flavored Mi-Go brains from the delivery box.

"You even managed to get the delivery box?" The plane tree was focused on something else.

"Won that last night, too."

"Now you only need the hat to complete the set," it said with envy. If one could collect the entire legendary delivery courier set, its ranking among the city's collectors would instantly rise several spots.

"I have a lead on the hat, too," Liu Zheng said. Although the demon would have loved to eat them alive, it hadn't reneged on the deal in the end. This, of course, was due to its sterling reputation, and not at all because of the butcher's knife Oink held against its throat.

"Where?" the plane tree asked excitedly.

"It's at..." Liu Zheng was just about to answer when he suddenly looked into the distance.