Chapter Twenty-One: A Man’s Body, A Woman’s Heart

When Ding Mulan heard this question, her reaction was as if someone had suddenly lashed her with a whip. She took a deep breath, wanting to speak, but when she caught sight of her eldest daughter and son-in-law beside her, she deflated instantly, like a balloon losing air.

Qin Ruonan understood the situation and was about to speak to Lu Anju and Lu Ji, but An Changpu gently pressed her arm, signaling her to remain silent.

“How about this—why don’t you both come outside with me? Your mother’s statement will be finished soon,” An Changpu said, standing up first and gesturing for the two to follow him out.

Lu Ji rose—almost in slow motion—while Lu Anju remained seated in her spot, unmoving.

“I’m not leaving. I want to stay here with my mother!” Lu Anju said, reaching out to hook her mother’s arm into hers. Not only did she refuse to stand, she shuffled even closer to Ding Mulan.

Ding Mulan let her elder daughter hold her arm without the slightest response, as if completely numb to Lu Anju’s affection and care.

“If you wish to display your filial piety, choose another occasion. If you truly care about your mother, a few moments apart will make no difference.” This time, Qin Ruonan ignored An Changpu’s signal to refrain from addressing Lu Anju. She raised her hand coldly, pointing to the door. “Now, please cooperate with our work.”

Lu Anju’s eyes lost their earlier sorrow and turned instantly to anger. Before she could protest, Lu Ji quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her up from the sofa. He smiled at Qin Ruonan, then led Lu Anju out behind An Changpu.

In front of her husband, Lu Anju seemed especially compliant.

Once the door to the reception room was closed behind them, Ding Mulan finally let out a quiet sigh of relief, and a trace of gratitude flickered in her gaze toward Qin Ruonan.

“Anmei, that child…” She hesitated, unsure whether she was defending her daughter or simply expressing herself. “She takes after her father—has to have her way in everything, and her temper isn’t great. She’s been used to being domineering at home and doesn’t know how to restrain herself outside either. Ever since she was a teenager, I haven’t been able to control her. She only listens to her father, and even then, just a little. She ignores everyone else.”

“She seems rather docile with her husband,” Qin Ruonan remarked with a touch of irony.

Ding Mulan sighed. “There’s always someone who can keep another in check.”

Qin Ruonan nodded, unwilling to discuss the unlikable Lu Anju any further. She steered the conversation back to the previous topic: “Just now, you didn’t want to discuss why Lumin chose to have gender reassignment surgery in front of your daughter and son-in-law, did you?”

This time, Ding Mulan did not evade the question. She took a long breath and admitted it, her mood sinking as the topic touched upon her deepest sorrow.

“Actually, Lumin wanted to be a woman long ago.” Ding Mulan was silent for a while, composing herself. Her rough fingers rubbed hard at her dry eyes. “He told me not long after we married. He said he never wanted to get married, but his parents wouldn’t allow it. Because of this, his father even beat him badly. It was only because a matchmaker brought me to their house, and his parents thought I was suitable, that the marriage was arranged. Lumin said he didn’t care who he married—if he had to do it, it made no difference to him, so he agreed.”

“If he had harbored such thoughts so early on, why agree to marriage at all? Normally, if someone truly rejects the idea, no amount of pressure would change their mind.”

“My father-in-law, while he was alive, made a deal with Lumin. He said that since Lumin’s older brother already had two daughters, if we could give them a grandson, they would agree not to interfere with Lumin’s wish to be a woman. At that time, the family had little money, and there weren’t many hospitals in the country that could perform such surgeries. So Lumin agreed.”

“Did people in your village know that Lumin wanted to transition?” Qin Ruonan asked.

“At first, they didn’t. I didn’t know either. After we married, he… he wasn’t willing to… be with me,” Ding Mulan said, blushing. “After our eldest was born, we started sleeping in separate rooms. Since she was a girl, my in-laws tried every means—pleading and pressuring—to persuade him to have another child. Only after much effort did he agree, on the promise that they’d leave him alone afterward. That’s how Anmei was born. But perhaps my in-laws hadn’t expected that their eldest son would also have two daughters, and then our second child was yet another girl. They changed their minds and insisted we have a third. Lumin was furious, quarreled with his parents, and after that, the news spread. Eventually, everyone heard about it.”

At this point, Qin Ruonan suddenly found herself speculating about the frail but stubborn Lu Anmei she’d met half a month ago. “Because of this, Lumin has always treated Anmei poorly, hasn’t he?”

Ding Mulan sighed, her eyes full of pain as she spoke of her younger daughter. “Lumin isn’t exactly bad to Anmei—he just ignores the child. Anmei takes after me, a bit stubborn and not good at winning people’s favor. Lumin resented her for being a girl, seeing it as ruining his plans. So he doted on Anju, and at home, he barely spared Anmei a glance.”

“Did Lumin ever tell you why he so desperately wanted to be a woman?”

“No. To be honest, he always looked down on me. Even if I asked, he wouldn’t answer. But he was certainly obsessed with it.”

Ding Mulan’s expression grew complicated—embarrassed, pained by her husband’s single-minded desire to be a woman. “As I said, after Anmei was born, we slept separately. I discovered many times that when I was out, he’d sneak into my room to wear my clothes. He always criticized me for not caring about my appearance, not buying nice clothes, never having decent makeup, lacking even a trace of a woman’s charm. He would say that if he’d been born a woman, he’d be much better than me.”

As she spoke, Ding Mulan’s eyes reddened, her long-dry eye sockets growing moist. She tilted her face up, breathing hard, but did not let the tears fall.

“So, the one in your family who objected most fiercely to Lumin’s transition was Anmei?” After Ding Mulan confirmed this, Qin Ruonan continued, “Later, when he started cross-dressing and everyone in the village knew, was there anyone who showed particular hatred toward him?”

Ding Mulan thought for a long while, then shook her head. “Except for the time the eldest uncle nearly fought with Lumin over the graveyard plot, no one else seemed to hate him that much. They just saw it as a spectacle—it didn’t really affect them.”

“And you?” Qin Ruonan suddenly asked. “Do you truly understand and support Lumin’s decision to have the surgery?”

Ding Mulan gave a bitter smile. “There’s no stopping him—what else could I do but accept it? If I’d known he’d die because of this, even if it cost me my life, I’d never have agreed.”

“We can’t be sure his death is connected to this—you shouldn’t dwell on it just yet.” Qin Ruonan comforted her, hesitated, then couldn’t help but ask, “Since you knew after marriage that Lumin wanted to be a woman and felt nothing for you, why didn’t you leave him sooner?”

“How could I just leave? I’m a traditional person, meant to be with one man all my life.” Ding Mulan sighed softly, and at last tears slid down her cheeks. “Besides, I loved Lumin from the time I was a girl. Even if he didn’t love me, at least he didn’t love anyone else. Staying by his side like this was enough for me.”