Chapter 45: A Place to Return To

“Reasons? There are a few.”
Morse spoke earnestly:
“First, you’re beautiful. Just looking at you lifts my spirits... Hey, Panam, why are you rolling your eyes? You think I’d ask you to drive just for the hell of it, not Mitch or Scorpion?”
Morse looked squarely at Panam, who was silently glaring at him, and said with conviction: “Look at V’s face, her figure—it’s like those expensive sex dolls from the Cloudtop district; you can’t get that vibe for less than a hundred thousand euros. And V’s natural.”
After all, he had spent half an hour comparing data to create her. Honestly, he really liked her.
“Damn... what’s the second reason?” Panam eyed him with a hint of disdain—small but cunning, barely grown, and already like this. What will she be like when she’s older?
Morse chuckled, turned to look at V, who showed no sign of embarrassment, and continued:
“The second is your potential.
You might not see it yourself, but who am I?
At a glance, your body stats are definitely not low; your reflexes must be at least seventeen points, and your physical potential is terrifyingly high.
What you lack now is experience and cyberware—give you a Steinwastan, and you could easily take down ninety percent of the mercenaries in this bar.”
“The third... I can’t say yet. I’ve got a special little secret, but I can’t reveal it now.”
After Morse finished, V was quite pleased by the praise, but upon reflection, he still hadn’t explained why he came directly to her.
She pondered and could only guess that the lustful little guy had spotted her face and traced her online.
Well, no wonder. Since thirteen, in the Heywood district, many had tried to date her, but she wasn’t interested in just anyone.
Beyond that, V couldn’t figure out what special quality she had to attract attention.
She wasn’t some genius, was she?
Morse didn’t pressure her to accept immediately but said: “Think it over. But let me be clear so you don’t think I’m putting you in harm’s way.
V, I’m a newcomer to this city. I think I’m capable, pretty badass even, but honestly, here, only the truly talented survive.
I’m not like those petty thieves who just scrape by to live in fancy houses and drive nice cars.
I have big ambitions and many things to do—I want to become a real legend in this city!
So teaming up with me means you’ll leave behind an ordinary life. Your future will be filled with countless enemies more terrifying and stronger than Fenrir.
Even I can’t guarantee that those who follow me will retire without losing a part of themselves... not even my own future is certain.
But no matter what, I want to die like Bartmos—shaking this world to its core.
V, go home, think it over, and give me your answer. Whether you join or not, we can still be friends.
An unknown nobody... or a name known far and wide?
V, what do you think?”
Morse’s sincere tone and bold words left V silent for a moment. After a while, she said hesitantly: “A, I need some time to think.”
“No problem.”
Morse replied, then sent her 2000 euros immediately.
“What’s this for?” V was caught off guard—trying to bribe V with money? That was too direct!
“Use it to pay your rent first. I’ll deduct it from your earnings once the job’s done.” Morse didn’t hide that he’d thoroughly investigated her.
V hesitated but finally nodded: “Alright, thanks, A.”
“You can call me Morse too—whatever you like.”
Morse stood up: “That’s it for today. I’ll contact you once the mission intel arrives.”
“No problem. I promise I won’t let you down.”
V said earnestly: “A, thanks. I do need this money right now.”
Without this 2000 euros, she feared the landlord would have kicked her out before Morse assigned her any work.
Morse just smiled: “Like I said, even if we don’t partner up, you’re still someone I like. Just call if you need anything.”
V nodded firmly: “Okay, bro, I got it.”
She stood up with street-smart flair, grabbed Morse’s hand, gave him a shoulder bump, and downed her drink: “I’ll wait for your message.”
“Hmm.” Morse said: “Want to try Johnny Silverhand?”
V blinked, and Panam glared at Morse with disgust—he hadn’t given up, failed to fool her, now trying to make V suffer too.
“What’s Johnny Silverhand?” V asked, puzzled.
“It’s a drink named after a legendary mercenary called Johnny Silverhand. It was his favorite in the afterlife.”
After Morse spoke, V noticed Panam’s expression.
“Uh, I’ve heard of him. What’s in the drink?”
“Old-fashioned tequila, beer, and chili,” Claire explained simply.
V shook her head decisively: “No thanks, I don’t think I’d like it.”
Morse looked disappointed and shook his head: “Alright, want me to drive you home?”
“No need, I’m driving. It’s a bit rough but still works.” V smiled and left with a hint of contemplation.
It seemed she was genuinely tempted by Morse’s offer.
Panam sat at the bar, waiting for V to leave before sarcastically saying: “Stop staring, she’s gone already... Looks like that girl’s smitten. I bet you tricked her into joining your crew.”
“How does that sound so wrong?” Morse teased: “It’s not like tricking her into bed... Recruiting someone isn’t deceit, right?”
“Fine, you win.” Panam spoke bluntly: “But I just think your motives aren’t pure.”
Morse looked at her sharply: “And you think my reason for asking you to drive is pure?”
Panam scowled: “Don’t joke... I’m not some pervert.”
“Haha...” Morse laughed: “Panam, tell me, do you think V’s skills are up to par?”
“Hell yeah, she’s fierce... I almost couldn’t keep up with her reflexes earlier.”

Panam spoke honestly but then glared at Morse, suddenly angry: “Why did you push me away just now?”
“Why are you mad? I saved your life, Panam.”
Morse glared back; he wasn’t one to lose his temper either: “You should be thanking me!”
“Screw you... You think I like being saved? Next time, stand back, got it?”
Panam stared him down: “If you hadn’t pushed me away, I’d have had my gun halfway out.”
“And then you shoot, don’t kill him, and he stabs you? I’m just being honest.”
“You hired me to take the hit for you! If you want me to hide behind you, why recruit me?” Panam stood firm.
“Why are you so stubborn? Is it time you took a bullet?”
Morse slammed the table: “I hired you to drive, not to die for me.”
“I...” Panam trailed off.
Claire quickly intervened: “What are you two arguing about? A, don’t tell me you don’t get it—she’s mad she didn’t protect you.”
“That’s no reason to be mad at me. I didn’t provoke her, I saved her, and I get scolded? Does that make sense?”
Morse said, and Panam had no rebuttal, just turned away and drank.
After a while, she looked back: “...Sorry.”
“Alright, I get it.”
Morse still sounded gruff: “Next time you throw a fit like that, I’m going to start cursing.”
Panam stayed silent. After a moment, she muttered: “Lucy was right. You’re born to be a leader. When you’re mad, you’re just like Thor.”
“Of course... Let’s go, no more drinking. Otherwise, I’ll have to drive for you. And thanks, Claire.”
Morse rolled his eyes at Panam and thanked Claire.
“No problem... but next time, don’t make it this intense.” Claire smiled helplessly.
Panam set down her bottle, nodded, and said goodbye to Claire. Morse had already paid. As they headed to the car, Panam suddenly fell silent and didn’t start the engine.
After a while, she turned to Morse seriously: “Thank you, Morse. I just got angry suddenly.”
“Oh.” Morse hadn’t taken off his mask, so his expression was unreadable.
Panam sighed and apologized earnestly:
“I only just realized how scared I was. If V hadn’t fired that shot, and if you hadn’t hacked that guy’s cyberware in time, if that shot hadn’t killed Fenrir...
I would have had to watch you die right in front of me.
I know you see yourself as the big brother, but to me, you’re still a kid.
I’m angry at myself.
I’ve never faced anything like that before; when I saw him strike, my mind went blank.
Anyway...”
Panam scratched her head, unable to explain further, feeling her anger was somewhat baseless.
“I understand.”
Morse seemed to piece together her thoughts.
He took off his mask and rubbed his face: “Alright, no need to apologize. I get why you lost it.”
Lost it... Panam was angry but realized there wasn’t much reason to be, so she quietly listened.
“You still think of me as a kid. When danger came, you saw I didn’t run but stepped forward, and you wanted to lecture me like an adult.
At first, I was too shocked to react; then I realized I hadn’t done anything...
So I got mad at myself. When I tried to talk to you, your anger came out on me.
I get it, but Panam, you can’t do that anymore.”
Morse looked at her earnestly: “And don’t treat me like a kid anymore. Then you won’t have these problems.”
Panam thought about it—if it had been Scorpion or Mitch pulling her back earlier, she’d just have quietly thanked them.
Why get mad with Morse?
Because she saw him as a kid who should shrink back in danger, while she, the adult, should stand up front?
Plus, she felt embarrassed for not helping, being saved by him instead, and her pride made her want to lecture him on how to act.
But what right did she have to teach him?
He fled Arasaka with a big group, found a reliable cyberware doc named Victor in just a day,
Met the best fixer in Night City, Rogue, and entered the Afterlife bar—a place many mercenaries never get into even dying there.
He even helped V take down a heavily armed cyber-psychopath.
And he completely charmed V, who seemed surprisingly reliable; she’d probably join his crew once he finished assigning jobs.
All that, and she didn’t understand how he did it. Even ignoring the hacking skills she didn’t get, he was undeniably amazing.
Panam bit her lip and after a while, scratched her head and muttered “Sorry” again.
She felt embarrassed—an eighteen-year-old adult getting schooled by a thirteen- or fourteen-year-old kid... really...
“Alright, no more of that. I know you mean well.”
Morse gave her an out, then glanced at her with a smile: “What, do you want me to apologize? For saying I hired you just to drive?
But honestly, that’s why. I didn’t hire you as a bodyguard this time.
Whatever happened today, you stood by me firmly—I appreciate that. No need to worry about anything else.
How about it? Want to officially join my crew? Then I won’t call you just a driver anymore.”
Panam turned her face away like a little girl: “No... Just don’t tell them, it’s embarrassing.”
“Got it.” Morse shook his head, smiling—she had no guile, just pure honesty, saying whatever came to mind.
“Drive. I need to check my hacker chair when we get back. Finally can start diving deep.
I also have to find a place in Night City for our whole group to stay. Not sure how much that’ll cost... sigh.”
Morse buckled up, and Panam drove off.
The car cruised steadily through Night City’s neon-lit streets. Panam was a bit too embarrassed to talk; Morse, tired, turned on the radio.
Listening to music, quietly enjoying the ride through this city that had buried countless lives to bloom so brightly, Morse gazed out, lost in thought.
Even now, it still felt unreal—like wandering in a game.
A sense of belonging? Not much at all.
He sometimes had the illusion he was still playing, and when the game ended, he’d wake up back in the bleak, ordinary life he’d fled.
He tilted his head, leaning on the window, pondering: maybe his past life was paradise compared to here.
There was a stable society, no stray bullets to fear on the street, no sudden bar brawls turning deadly.
Food wasn’t gourmet but real beef, lamb, and pork; fresh vegetables.
Clean water, a safe home, stable jobs.
Even if everyone cursed the companies, at least real-world capitalism hadn’t evolved to a point where people gratefully accepted only five vacation days a year.
He missed home a bit but not too much—looking at the flickering neon and traffic, he felt maybe he’d truly gone mad.
The image of nearly being torn apart by a cyber-psychopath was fresh, yet he was already savoring it, eager for the next thrill.
Maybe he originally craved an extraordinary life, which led him to choose that option in the game before crossing over.
He cracked the window slightly; the unique, faintly foul-smelling Night City air filled his nostrils.
Funny enough, Panam’s scent inside the car felt unreal, but that stench made him feel truly in Night City again.
He stretched out his hand, feeling the air’s shape in his palm, and unconsciously smiled faintly.
“What are you doing...”
Panam looked at his youthful face, watching him reach out the window to feel the breeze, and smirked—though his face was young, his expression was beyond childish.
He seemed both relieved and melancholic...
“Did you know? Wind at sixty kilometers per hour looks like a D cup.”
Morse’s tone was poetic.
Panam couldn’t hold it and burst out laughing: “Damn it, Morse! You...”
Morse just curled his lips, turning to her: “You know where Johnny Silverhand was when Arasaka Tower exploded?”
“Huh? Why bring that up? No idea, where was he?”
Panam shook her head.
“Everywhere~ Hahaha!”
Morse laughed heartily.
Panam was stunned, then joined in the laughter. The awkwardness vanished.
Morse closed the window and joked with her until the car stopped. She spotted Lucy sitting by the camp entrance, staring at the stars, and they paused their conversation.
“Hey, someone’s waiting for you at home?”
She meant to tease Morse. She knew he didn’t like being treated like a kid or teased about Lucy.
He saw himself as a mature adult and found such jokes weird with a young girl.
But others didn’t care; the more awkward he got, the funnier his adult expressions looked.
Unexpectedly, Morse’s expression changed—complex, his gaze deep.
Panam didn’t know what it meant but saw Morse pause two seconds, then smile softly with relief.
“Yeah, someone’s waiting for me. That’s nice.”
He opened the door; Lucy, sitting on a crate, glanced his way. Her short hair framed a cold but faintly smiling face.
“Coming back late... Did everything go well?”
Lucy asked, slowly standing and eyeing his new look: “You dyed your hair black, changed clothes... looks good on you.”
“Uh-huh~ I even bought new clothes for you. Want to see?”
He laughed, opening Panam’s trunk. Lucy walked over, hands behind her back, bending slightly to inspect the many items inside.
She complained: “Be careful with your spending. ZetaTech sent stuff today—where’d you get all this money?”
“Thanks to our Arasaka agent friends sponsoring us... Since you’re here, help me move this stuff, and I’ll tell you about the crazy things I saw today—plenty of excitement.”
Morse chuckled, handing her the items. Lucy frowned, struggling with the heavy bags as she waddled like a penguin.
“Wish I hadn’t come out.”
Despite the complaint, she followed Morse, burdened but loyal.
Panam stood by the car, arms crossed, then chuckled and shook her head, deciding not to overthink it. Morse seemed happy now.
She helped carry the miscellaneous things Morse bought during their outing.
“Wait... when did you buy so many Dream Chips? Sailor Moon? Seriously, you watch that?”
Panam laughed, following along.
Morse turned, staring at her in disbelief: “Those are for Kyoko.”
“Really?” Lucy smiled: “Don’t worry. This time, no one’s going to bother you while you watch.”
“Shut up...” Morse laughed, heading deeper into the camp.
The wild starry sky still shone brightly.
Like the neon reflections of Night City.
Morse’s first day officially in Night City was coming to an end.
But his story here was only just beginning.